Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Part Of My Problem

This is an older story, but it's still applicable:

Me [on the phone with a friend who is coming in from the other side of the country to be at our wedding]: Well I have rehearsal until around 4:00 and the bus doesn't come until 4:45 sooo...if you wanted to pick me up...

Friend: Sure, we can make that happen.
[conversation ends. I'm in the car with Jay, by the way]

Jay [feigning hurt]: I could have picked you up.

Me: Did you want to? I can tell him he doesn't need to. I can do it right now.

Jay [continuing to feign hurt, really obviously]: Oh no! No don't worry about it! It's fine. I guess you just don't want to see me! [or something to that effect]

Me:...you know...sometimes when you are pretending to be mad, I think you really are mad and you're just pretending to pretend to be mad.

Jay:..........what?

Me: [repeats phrase...several times]

Jay:....You THINK too much!

And I do. That's part of my problem. I operate on that level of social scrutiny (paranoia maybe?) 24/7. It's exhausting and I would just LOVE to stop...but it's harder than it sounds.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

How To Terrify Your Roommates

Yesterday I rode a city bus for the first time in my life. I've ridden buses before, don't mistake me. When I was in middle, junior and high school, a bus came to my house every day to pick me up. But the city bus system is much more daunting. There's much more planning involved, and map reading, and time-table-figure-outing. I'm not a cartographer! How could I possible figure all of that out? Well, it took some help. My roommate offered to ride a bus with me from school to home to show me how it's done. She spared $2.00 to help me out and I really really appreciated that.

However. I was anxious about my first bus ride. Waiting for it kind of sucked and there was a Red B bus that came before the Red B bus that I needed to be on and it caused me all kinds of inner turmoil: What happens if I get on the wrong bus? What if I miss the last bus of the day? What if...what if...what if...?

I also never know how much something I am going to say will offend someone and that's thanks to the lack of filter from my brain to my mouth. My mind moves much faster than whatever conversation is happening at the time and often I can't communicate what's going on in my head at the same speed in the conversation.

For instance, Nicole was explaining to me that the seats at the front of the bus are reserved for handicapped and the elderly, so I should give up my seat if one of them comes on. The first thing that went through my mind was, of course, the Rosa Parks incident that was drilled into my 99.9% white school every February. She refused to give up her seat to stand for a white man, etc...Civil Rights...etc...we all know the story. It was unfair and horrible the way African Americans were treated before they were finally given their civil rights and I remember as a kid I couldn't believe human beings could be so cruel to one another.

Except the conversation broke down like this:

Nicole: Not everyone does this, but make sure that if you're sitting at the front of the bus you give up your seat for someone in a wheelchair or an elderly person.

Me: What am I, a Black person?

...


Now, I know. Open mouth, insert foot. But I just wasn't able to tell myself to shut up before it fell out. I realized as soon as I said it that I very much should not have. So I tried to lessen the blow by looking at Zach and saying, "That was my Rosa Parks joke. Did you get it?" laughing the whole time. Zach stayed rigid and just didn't quite look at me.

As we departed the bus and walked to our building, he gave me a bit of advice, "For future reference, no Black jokes on the bus."

Noted.

P.S. I am not racist. Just underexposed and sheltered. Also, my first bus trip was a success and so was my second on my own. ^_^